Top Ten Things I Expect

1. If I have an appointment with a doctor, I expect to, at some point, however brief or fleeting, see an actual doctor.

2. If I have been sent all over creation doing expensive and invasive tests, I expect that a doctor will review them with me at the appointment for which I have cleared my schedule, traveled, finagled and paid for.

3. I expect that if a physician is not available to see me, I will be informed, and have the opportunity to cancel the appointment, and that my insurance will not be billed as though I did see a physician.

4. I expect to see a physician whose name bears some resemblance to the name I submitted to my insurance company and primary care physician. A close resemblance would be preferred. This would help me help you keep up the facade that you are actually seeing all of the patients that the insurance companies (and I) are billed for.

5. If I am asked to do any invasive tests, I ask that they are thoroughly and accurately prepared, and that I am not sent back repeatedly in a short interval because an order was written wrong or two people who are on a "team" forgot to speak to each other.

6. If someone is going to touch my body in any way, I expect that they tell me exactly what they are going to do and that it has some apparent relevance to the reason for the visit, not a curiosity related to my very long medical history or a paper they are writing.

7. If a person is going to enter my room, I expect that they introduce themselves and tell me what they do for a living, as in, "Hi, I'm Sally, I'm a nurse practitioner here." Just as you don't enter my workplace and know everyone, I don't know everyone in yours. And we really do not need to pretend that we remember each other.

8. If someone is going to call me on the phone, I expect that they similarly identify themselves and the office from which they are calling, and the purpose of the call. Just like in the rest of adult society.

9. I expect that we spend more time communicating with me than staring at a piece of paper or computer. You have had ample time to review materials before meeting with me and it is just ridiculous to watch you make phone calls or play with the computer and squint while your poor internet connection times out, then leave saying that we will have to follow up. I am here at this appointment, this is me following up.

10. I expect that I'm not given alarming news and then told that there is not a physician available to speak to me, but one will be available next week. I will be in an alarmed state of mind from this alarming news until next week, but thanks for sharing!