Saturday, August 29, 2009

Ten Things A CG Wants To Say: The post so crazy even my disclaimers need disclaimers.

1. To the guy that broke up with me right after I got out of the hospital: You are cowardly, and selfish, and also bald*.

2. To the neighbor who keeps asking me when I'm going to get better: I am not going to get better. Google CF already.

3. To the lady who keeps sending me bizarro emails about one of my comments on health care: Democracy and free speech are a bitch. Leave me alone.

4. To [people] who wondered why I'm still working: So that I can do fun things like buy groceries and pay my rent. Oh, and because I love my job and I'm actually really good at it.**

5. To my extended family members who don't send me a get well card anymore when I get sick: It would be nice to get a get well card when I get sick.

6. To my acquaintances who want to drop by the house: I don't need a casserole, I need you to hang out with me like a normal human. And I don't like casseroles.***

7. To my cat who is sweet, laying in bed with me while my port needle is being changed: You are the best and could you write a book on dating for men who date women with CF?

8. To the person who smokes a cigarette next to me outdoors and waits until I ask them to move away from me: Move away from anyone that you see with oxygen on and quit smoking already.****

9. To the people who visited me in the hospital that literally ran out of the room when I started coughing: I know you were trying to give me privacy, but that made me cry.*****

10. To the nurses and doctor and family and friends and bloggies that are nice to me even when I'm crazy: Thank you and I'm sorry.

Love, CG

*I would not normally make fun of someone for being bald. In fact, I believe the saddest thing to come of this last relationship is that now I am, in fact, attracted TO bald guys. However, I couldn't think of anything else mean to say and the one thing I know about bald guys is that they are sensitive about being bald.
**None of my current colleagues have actually said "You should stop working," to me. But, it's an idea out there in the world. It's an idea. Like it's an idea that people think about their oldest co-worker . . . "Why is s/he even here?" Go on, admit it. It's an idea out there.
***I am going to work at saying, "Please bring me yellow curry chicken (thai)" and "Please come in and hang out for a while. I miss you." even if it's sort of awkward.
****Yeah yeah yeah, nicotine is an addiction. So is heroine. But I don't have to walk through ten heroin addicts on the way into any public place, and if I did, I wouldn't feel bad giving them a weird look either. I just think it's really funny when I'm standing somewhere, like at a crosswalk, and a smoker comes up and stands next to me, looks at me, I look at him, and then it's like, "Which one of us is gonna walk away?" - as though it should be me? Isn't there some sort of chivalrous smoker etiquette? Where is Emily Post when you need her.
*****See future posts. This one really started a firestorm! This is not about YOU. It's about PEOPLE who visit PEOPLE with CF. And maybe a little about you. But not in a mean way. Just like, something I'm thinking about. Let's keep thinking and chatting about it. Okay. 'Nuff said.


  1. Diddo!

    Sending hugs your way,

  2. I'm really glad you wrote this because I think it addresses a mystery that need not be. To be fair, I'd like to give some perspective on #9... We waited for your instructions during your 1st coughing fit. You requested privacy, so we went outside. When it happened again 15-20 min later, it would have been helpful to know that you didn't want us to leave. Sometimes it's a bit of a guessing game on our part to figure out the right thing... ask or not ask a question... show concern or "business as usual." Please know that we always have the "right thing" in mind and we follow your lead to tell us what that is exactly.


  3. I really wasn't referring to any specific time, it has happened a lot of times over the year. But thanks for comments. Other CFers wanna weigh in?

  4. When someone with CF is having a coughing fit, no matter what, don't say, "I had that last week." :)

  5. ...or "don't you go dying on me!"

    I'm sure your friends meant no harm.

    The only time I ask for privacy during a coughing fit is when I'm bringing up cups of blood.


  6. While I don't have CF myself, my son does.

    #2. I always get asked if he will grow out of it....

    As far as coughing fits, I don't say anything, but maybe throw him a box of kleenex or maybe get him somthing to drink. I always feel so helpless, I just wish I could take it all away.

    #7 Dan has two dogs who are the best!

  7. word on #2
    haha on #3
    tell them to bring something you do like #6
    have my dog sebby when im sick #7
    not on oxygen but what a dick #8
    #9 is difficult. hate when all gets quiet as they wait for me to stop... just keep on going like im not even coughing is best for me.

    love your blog
    22 cf'er from Nevada.

  8. Love the post!!! I have had some of the same things happen to me too!!! You couldn't have said it better!

    I'm with Ronnie...the only time I asked for privacy during coughing fits, was when I was constantly coughing up major "junk" for long periods of time!

    And yes...sometimes we CFers actually work because we like what we do and we are good at it. I guess some people just don't "get it."

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  10. In all seriousness, I'm glad you wrote this. We can't always go around only being funny or only being polite, or only being well. It's just not real. I like to read your blog because you say these things. Where do we find an outlet to let things out that are real? Should we have to only let these things out in our therapist office? I say no.

    I know that CG was concerned when writing this that it might have been more serious than funny, but I told her it was perfect. Why? Because how do you balance telling people what you need and trying to be a good friend, in order to keep your friends coming around?

    I'm sorry to say that coming out of my transplant, the people I found were still there at the end were my immediate family, my other transplant friends, and a few very very special friends. The kind of friends that are willing to seek you out over the internet even though you thought they were your ex-husband's friends and send you an email saying you mean a lot and they miss you.

    I wish it was easier, and some people may know of other ways to do stuff. But for CG, her passion is her art, and for me, this is a way to connect to her life and her art, from afar. Something I don't get to do often enough.

    Thank you,

  11. This is a great post! I like #2. People really need to stop asking me when I'm gonna get better, and asking me how do I feel and then when I tell them I feel good they say "so your over it?" Like CF is a cold or something. or they look at me like, gah!! When is he gonna get better? don't his parents take him to the doctor??

    -Casey Jones

    Or when I see a friend I haven't seen in a while, and they get blown away by the fact that I STILL have CF.

    Again, Great post!!!

  12. I want to add one..."Stop asking me how I am feeling!" That is always the first thing people ask me. Sorry for invading but thought it fit the subject.

  13. You are not invading! I love it, you bloggies! You made up a whole new blog all on your own with the comments! HA! AWESOME!!!

    Today I was getting 100% greetings of "How are you feeling?" with the crazy eyes from everyone. The crazy eyes that say, "Tell me everything so I can talk about something at lunch!" Also, some genuine concern. But a lot of crazy eyes!!


Thanks for commenting! Your comment will be posted ! -CG