1. To the guy that broke up with me right after I got out of the hospital: You are cowardly, and selfish, and also bald*.
2. To the neighbor who keeps asking me when I'm going to get better: I am not going to get better. Google CF already.
3. To the lady who keeps sending me bizarro emails about one of my comments on health care: Democracy and free speech are a bitch. Leave me alone.
4. To [people] who wondered why I'm still working: So that I can do fun things like buy groceries and pay my rent. Oh, and because I love my job and I'm actually really good at it.**
5. To my extended family members who don't send me a get well card anymore when I get sick: It would be nice to get a get well card when I get sick.
6. To my acquaintances who want to drop by the house: I don't need a casserole, I need you to hang out with me like a normal human. And I don't like casseroles.***
7. To my cat who is sweet, laying in bed with me while my port needle is being changed: You are the best and could you write a book on dating for men who date women with CF?
8. To the person who smokes a cigarette next to me outdoors and waits until I ask them to move away from me: Move away from anyone that you see with oxygen on and quit smoking already.****
9. To the people who visited me in the hospital that literally ran out of the room when I started coughing: I know you were trying to give me privacy, but that made me cry.*****
10. To the nurses and doctor and family and friends and bloggies that are nice to me even when I'm crazy: Thank you and I'm sorry.
*I would not normally make fun of someone for being bald. In fact, I believe the saddest thing to come of this last relationship is that now I am, in fact, attracted TO bald guys. However, I couldn't think of anything else mean to say and the one thing I know about bald guys is that they are sensitive about being bald.
**None of my current colleagues have actually said "You should stop working," to me. But, it's an idea out there in the world. It's an idea. Like it's an idea that people think about their oldest co-worker . . . "Why is s/he even here?" Go on, admit it. It's an idea out there.
***I am going to work at saying, "Please bring me yellow curry chicken (thai)" and "Please come in and hang out for a while. I miss you." even if it's sort of awkward.
****Yeah yeah yeah, nicotine is an addiction. So is heroine. But I don't have to walk through ten heroin addicts on the way into any public place, and if I did, I wouldn't feel bad giving them a weird look either. I just think it's really funny when I'm standing somewhere, like at a crosswalk, and a smoker comes up and stands next to me, looks at me, I look at him, and then it's like, "Which one of us is gonna walk away?" - as though it should be me? Isn't there some sort of chivalrous smoker etiquette? Where is Emily Post when you need her.
*****See future posts. This one really started a firestorm! This is not about YOU. It's about PEOPLE who visit PEOPLE with CF. And maybe a little about you. But not in a mean way. Just like, something I'm thinking about. Let's keep thinking and chatting about it. Okay. 'Nuff said.