Saturday, April 17, 2010

Top Ten Things That Don't Completely Suck About the Hospital

Here I am in New England and in the big house again. I'm taking a break from my usual wry sensibility of you-know-what-blows humor, and taking a page out of Ronnie's book to write about ten things that I am actually thankful for when I'm in the unnamed hospital here.

Top Ten Things That Don't Completely Suck About the Hospital

1. Stocking up on free prescriptions. Ignoring the fact that I pay out the ass for my so-called "Cadillac plan" of health care, I enjoy the fact that infection control protocol at my hospital provides me with a shiny new inhaler every day.

2. Some cable stations I do not have at home.

3. In so much as I can navigate the menu, and ignoring item listed in #1, free eats, especially widely available desserts.

4. Respiratory therapists I really like!

5. Unfettered access to Law n Order episodes 24/7, without the shaming eyes of other humans seeing how many hours I can enjoy as background entertainment.

6. Free, though cheap, stethoscope (see item #1 for further social commentary)

7. Endless supply of super friends and loved ones that come-a-callin'.

8. Easily slipping into the "I'm on a spa retreat!" subtext as I enjoy doing my nails, writing many poems, and catching up on my correspondence.

9. Much time for online obsessions of late: for Patient Press, and for much-needed, though too-cheap-to-buy-outright, items such as bipap-friendly pillows and matching springtime bedding, new (pretty, 100% mold and old germ free) shower curtain for after transplant, seasonal purse (I allow myself to buy one purse a year. I believe this is a money saving rule in comparison with my female friends and moreover, foes), new watch as I developed allergy to cheap metal base of my former 4-year-long watch. (p.s. tell me again why my blog does not enjoy endorsement dollars?)

10. Research for future writing projects: Priceless.


  1. You are so the princess of lemonade-out-of-lemons, my dear girl. Shopping is so exhilarating no matter the venue or point of purchase. Wish I were there to point and click in drill team precision with you! Love, love, love the books that blessed me in Friday's mail. Hope you will love the check you receive in the next couple of days (forgot to send :-( sooner) Enjoy the "spa" until you are completely over enjoying it and then demand RELEASE! Be off like a dirty shirt. Get outa Dodge. Blow that pop stand. You know the drill. Then back to Ma Kettle and more Law & Order. Totally dig it myself. Always on somewhere - how cool is that? Love you, Baby

  2. ooooo, online in-house retail therapy is my favorite! Except when I'm really narcotic-y (that needs a "k", it looks like "icy" instead of "ick-y"...sidebar). I definitely bought a few things I thought were AWESOME when pumped full of dilaudid that I went, huh? when they arrived.

    My favorite is a nataliedee t-shirt that says "Cupcake + Multivitamin", then has a cartoon of each, with appendages, holding hands, and underneath it says "Super Breakfast!"

    I am wearing it to work out next time.

    Oh, and I personally love that I can RE-watch whole "real housewives of (city)" marathons and act like, "yeaaaaah, sucks, everything else is just news and soaps right now...." YAY hospital-bravo! (I mean, if you HAVE to be in...)

    Love love love as always!


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