Friday, July 10, 2009

Top Ten Excuses Not To Exercise with CF (and why they are crap)

DISCLAIMERS: 1) I am not a doctor. At all. I have two degrees in the arts. Half the time I don't even believe in Western Medicine.

2) I am teaching young children this week. As a result, I do not use any bad language or even frown much all day. This leads me to swear a lot at night. I don't know why, but it's true. The below post has some cursin' in it.


Top Ten Excuses Not To Exercise with CF

1. I can't exercise on an empty stomach, and I haven't eaten something in at least . . . ten minutes.

2. I just ate so many calories, I can't exercise NOW! My tummy may start to hurt at any moment. I must lay down and wait for it to start.

3. I better not burn too many calories. I'm trying to gain weight. I will eat this treat instead of working out. All the better!

4. I will have more energy to exercise after my nap.

5. I walked around so much at work today. And that is extra hard for me, since my lungs are broken and all.

6. My oxygen is so low today, I can't exercise. It might kill me dead.

7. My oxygen is super great today, my lungs must be nice and open already! Good job, me. Time for a nap.

8.The gym has so many germs. I can't go there September through March.

9. It is lonely to work out alone at home. It depresses me to think of it. If I get depressed, that is surely bad for me, too, right?! I must avoid it and all its possible causes.

10. Remember that hemoptysis in 2005? That was horrible. Don't want that to happen again. Better not do anything too crazy, today, July 10, 2009. Better take some Vitamin K and take it easy.

If The Top Ten Reasons Not to Exercise with CF did not address your own reason, maybe your reason is more serious. More important. More personal. For this, See my post on REASON #11 .

Why These Excuses Are Crap

1. Eat a power bar and suck it up. You can eat all you want in just thirty minutes (or so.) If CFers avoiding doing things every time they felt a bizarro hunger pang, nothing would ever get done. Ever. The CF world would stop turning while we all ate a Snickers. Learn to pack some goddamn snacks already.

2. Thinking about possible things that can go wrong with your body in the future is not a good reason to not exercise, not take a job you want, not date a boy/girl, or just about anything. I mean, jeeez, worry about all the things that are CURRENTLY wrong with your body and leave the future to the psychics (at statcounter.com).

3. Exercise will make you super hungry. You will eat more calories than you burn away because you will be craving craving craving foods when you're done and the next day. If not, drink an Ensure/Boost/ScandiBLAH and once again, suck it up.

4. There is no actual evidence that napping leads to increased exercise. Sorry, folks. Exercising, however, will make you sleep better at night so you will be less inclined to feel like you really need a nap during the day.

5. While your lungs might be "broken," they are not yet broken down. You need to keep driving that "1980's bitchin' Camaro" set of lungs around the block. And around the block. And around the block. For at least 30 minutes.

6. If you know your oxygen SATurations are low, it means you monitor your SATs, which probably means you have supplemental oxygen. So crank that shit to 4L and get off your ass.

7. If your SATs are great today it probably means that you exercised yesterday. Wouldn't it be great to have great SATs tomorrow, too? Plus, the Demonic Yukkies in your lungs don't remember that you exercised yesterday. They go ahead and continue their mighty wrath ignoring your exercise goals. You must beat them down with the Vow of the Cardio. (more on this, the Vow, in upcoming posts.)

8. Okay okay okay. The gym has germs. You have choices: invest in a sturdy piece of home exercise equipment; take the workout outdoors (yikes!); rent some good cardio DVDs or start to TIVO the exercise channel; or get the f over it, sanitize your hands, and go to the gym. You must make a choice.

9. It is not really lonely to work out alone. You can cough up the Demonic Yukkies and look like shit and play Justin Timberlake, or Meatloaf, or whatever your secret workout music is. Without the damn earbuds.

10. Similar to answer 2 above, thinking about all of the things that have gone wrong with your body in the past is not a good reason to not exercise. Continue a reasonable level of worry over all the things that are surely CURRENTLY wrong with your body, which might even lead you to crave exercise, and leave the past in your Hello Kitty Diary.

If The Top Ten Reasons Not to Exercise with CF did not address your own reason, maybe your reason is more serious. More important. More personal. For this, See my post on REASON #11 .

9 comments:

  1. Love it! Will tweet it as well as send my readers to it!

    Thanks

    Ronnie

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  2. Love! I was going to use 4 - 9 as my excuses until I get to your answers. Ha ha!!!

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  3. f-ing awesome :)

    And perfect seeing as I am in my workout gear poised to go walk on the treadmill for 30 minutes...once this guy comes that is buying my old tack trunk....
    I swear it ISN'T an excuse!!!!!! :)

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  4. You are a master of the top ten list form.

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  5. ha! it works for me lately.

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  6. hilarious - CL

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  7. Hey Cystic Lady,

    I think you should sign your comments, so people know its you!!

    -CG

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  8. i particularly like the shout out to the hello kitty diary...which my sister may have had...which i, being a little sister, may have read...*smile* keep up the fabulous blogging, chica! - lil mell

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Thanks for commenting! Your comment will be posted ! -CG