Sunday, July 19, 2009

REASON #11: The Ultimate Rationalization

This is a follow-up to my original post, The Top Ten Reasons Not to Exercise (with CF). Please check it out if you haven't already, so that you'll understand the nature of this post. Like the original Top Ten Reasons, it will be in two parts. A) The narrative reason that a CFer thinks/says when sharing why they simply cannot exercise. B) Why their narrative featured in Part A is totally craptacular.

PART A: The Reason
11. The Ultimate Rationalization: (A) I just want to live my life . . . or some other very honest, yet very dramatic statement. These might include: (B) I'm so tired of all of this; (C) People without CF don't have to work out on their weekends/holidays/birthday; (D) It doesn't make a difference anyway, I'm going to die from this disease whether I exercise right now or not.

WARNING! (Part E) When pushed, the CFer may raise the stakes in conversation and exhibit hostile behavior, muttering phrases such as: When you have 40% lung capacity you can tell me what I need to do; If you ask me whether or not I worked out again, I'm going to sell that bleeping treadmill on craigslist tomorrow; or my personal favorite: Ahh! Leave me the f alone . . . What are we doing for dinner?

PART B: Why that reason is total crap.
11. Okay, before I address each point - Get the fuck over yourself for a second. Or better yet, 45 minutes. Get over yourself for 45 minutes and work out this little mental breakdown while you're on the treadmill.

Now, Addressing Reason as Quoted A) Yes, you want to live your life. You deserve to live a healthy, balanced life. If you don't have 3o minutes to spare today, then clearly your life is not very balanced. Because honey, you deserve 30 minutes of working out, and that time is all for you. Be late to the party, or go in late to work. Stay up late -it's fun. Take a sick day if you have to. Get some time on the schedule for you you you and get that ass on the treadmill while you're at it.

B) If you are feeling emotionally, mentally or physically fatigued there is no excuse for avoiding exercise. It will help you with all of these problems. It's a proven fact. Don't make me get all citationy again. Especially if your lungs feel all closed up and swampy, you need to get some exercise to breath clearer, then think clearer, then feel a little better.

C) If we are going to list all of the things that people without CF don't have to do, we could be here all day. But, we should then list every disease and personal problem you don't have, too, and make a list of all the shit you don't deal with that others do. Life is not fair. Even a seven year old knows that. Go tell someone in a wheelchair that you're so upset about walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes. See what that person has to tell you, if you're interested in fairness.

D) Every single day you make about a hundred decisions that actively affect the status of your body tomorrow. You've known that since you were only a little child. So don't get all high and mighty about this issue like it's a realization you just had over a cup of tea and Oprah. You obviously want to live in as health of a body as you can, for as long as you can (and if not, that's okay too, for a little while, but you should go talk to someone about it, seriously). If you want to live in the healthiest version of you, you gotta exercise. And you're just being dramatic so shut the f up. PS: Don't make your loved ones cry by saying that crap out loud. It is mean.

In regards to Part E) WARNING: There is no way out of these conversations for the non CFer. No, parents, spouses, lovers and friends. This is the CF equivalent of "Do I look fat in this?" The conversation is only gonna get worse.

For the CFer him/herself: When faced with the horrible Reason #11, Part E: You need to do a few things: 1) Calm down by whatever means necessary. Hot bath. Hot toddie. Whatever. 2) You need to eat something that you really really like to eat. 3) You need to spend some time with yourself 4) You need to exercise and go to bed. If you really really can't do the exercise part, you have to do all the other 3 steps, and go to bed early. Sleep well, and wake up in a better place tomorrow.

PS. You should only experience Reason #11 Part E one or two times per year. So if you're riding the Ultimate Rationalization Fast Train on a weekly basis, it's time to get some help with finding a better way to cope. Seriously. Nothing a little anti-depressant, therapy, or a trip to see Mom can't fix. Whatever works for you.

With Love, CG

3 comments:

  1. I love it. I'm picking up what you're putting down and have said all of the same things...just without the f-words :)

    Keep writing and preaching the truth!

    Ronnie

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  2. Sorry. I'm sort of a swear-mouth, as my father would say, outside of the classroom.

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  3. Dude, there is only one f-bomb in there. The rest are abbreviated!! I'm a huge fan of the abbreviated swear. Such as, "What the h is your problem?" I can't think of anything funnier to say than that.

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Thanks for commenting! Your comment will be posted ! -CG