NEWSFLASH! CYSTIC GAL READERSHIP UP 900%*
* Since Day One
* Since Day One
Ok ok ok. Most people probably wouldn't want to write on the internet that they take valium. But that is one of the great things about this mostly anonymous blog, heh? I planned to publish tonight's blog about anger, in response to KR's response below. Then . . .
I had a reallly bad day today. I slept til Noon for no real reason and missed one of my meds. Recently I took an internet quiz and in response to "Last time you slept in late, what was the reason?" my response was "Could not muster will to live."
This, indeed, seemed to be my reason this morning. Also, it's been freakishly cold out. It's hard to get out of bed when it's cold out! I did not get out of the house until about 5pm. Problem? I didn't have anything to do. I did not have one single place to go. I drove around ruining the planet until it hit me :
Surf and Turf.
What I needed to perk up the day was a piece of meat next to some fish next to some mashed potatoes. And a pal. A few phone calls later and Ta Da! I have a pal to accompany me. T-Money^, in fact. We had a lovely meal together and I'm driving home, wind in my hair, looking forward to getting my PICC line out tomorrow. YAY! Freedom! Long hot showers, short sleeve shirts, and unencumbered make outs with my sweetie, here I come! This fantasy builds and builds (truthfully, mostly the shower part) and I drive along home . . .pull in the driveway. . . .reach my porch and see . . .
Two huge boxes from the home health company. I knew instantly what they were: a week of medicine for my little teeny tiny veins :( And, well, I freaked out. As my friend K-Ed^ would say, I flipped my shit. Thank goodness for me, I have a sister! That's right, CG users at large, I'm revealing some personal info. I have a sister, also a cystic gal herself! She talked me down from the mountain of feelings I experienced by asking me one simple question: What's the worst thing that could happen here? And you know what, I had all the answers:)
Unfortunately for me, I also had a high heart rate and had worked up a sweat and some tears. So I turned to my old sleepytime pal, Valium. He's always there for me and frankly, I wish I had met him earlier in my life. I have had anxiety since I was a little kid, and worked through it for years and years much to the torment of my friends and immediate family. I never took meds for my anxiety until about 3 years ago, and they have been life-changing. Now I can do some things I couldn't do before:
Sleep; Wake; Think Clearly When Obstacles Arise; Make Big Decisions; Not Cry For Days At a Time; Not Break Stuff.
This was not always true!! Ok, more later. The thing about valium is, it makes you sleeeeeeepy!!