Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Commentacular

This a post inspired and edited from comments made on my infamous post, Ten Things A CG Wants to Say that caused the internet sensation! This post comes more properly prepared with its own disclaimers! I presents to you:
Ten Things a CG Hates to Hear
by CG et al.

1. "Your cough sounds just like mine. I had that last week! It was horrible." (Teeda/CysticLady)

2. "Don't you go dieing on me!" (Ronnie/RunSickBoyRun)

3. "Will your grow out of it [cf]?" (Deb Wilson)

4. Complete silence in the room just as a coughing fit starts.*

5. Why are you still working? Couldn't you just, like, go on disability or something? I would never work if I had what you have.**

6. You have such a bad attitude about your illness. I saw this one interview with Michael J. Fox . . . he has a great attitude.***

7. So you're better now, right?****

8. Have you taken your [son/daughter] to the doctor? / You should get to the doctor! That cough sounds rough!*****

9. (Dramatic sigh, bows head to the right, makes a pained face, whispering) "How are you feeling?" (clutching chest)******

and tonight's CG specific #10. Thing a CG Hates to Hear . . . (drumroll)

10. Do you go to church?********

4*This is the CF equivalent of the moment at a party when someone tells a dirty joke and the whole party is quite just as the person says something distasteful. Which a) kills the otherwise funny joke and b) is embarrassing for all.
5**In my head I always think, yeah, I know, that's why I come to work all the time and you're absent every Monday. There are unemployed people in the world! Why do you get to work here? (I have thought this through the years, so the time/place are not important)
6***If I was on the Oprah couch, I'd have a good god-damned attitude too.
7****No matter what people will tell you ahead of time, if you answer this question with anything other than "Well, YES!" it will make someone extremely uncomfortable. They might cry or hang up on you. I'm serious.
8*****This question always seems to come from someone who is simultaneously exhibiting some unhealthy behavior of their own: either drinking, or smoking, or maybe a Big Gulp is involved. I always try to bite my tongue. I usually succeed.
9******I thought I was the drama teacher! Please don't comment and yell at me and say, "they are just concerned. you are too cynical, CG!" This sort of overplayed antic only comes from a Rachel Linde type of persona. A clucker of henhouses. A lunch table whisperer. An email forwarder. That's all I'm gonna say. Well -- and that sincerity is easy to read. Drama is great. I love it. It is not ever, ever sincere.
10********yes, i do. but thanks weirdos for implying that the reason i have CF is because I'm some sort of godless commie.* i'm sure there are plenty of atheists without CF and this Catholic gal's a Cystic Gal. So there! *Also, commies may not all be godless and godless people are certainly not all commies.

!This is my first "Unleash Your Story" post! If you read this post, you owe the CF Foundation $2! But don't pay yet. You will pay later....bwhahahahahah, when I am done in September!!! To see my pledges page, click HERE!

3 comments:

  1. awesome. I always knew you were a godless commie.

    ReplyDelete
  2. LOL!

    My favorite on the list of things a bankrgrl doesn't want to hear took place one morning on the elevator ride up to my office:

    Them: "So how long have you had that cough?"

    Me (as I exited the elevator): About thirty years.

    Keep in mind I was NOT feeling good on the day in question.

    ReplyDelete
  3. What about, "How long have you had CF?" (from a healthcare professional)

    ReplyDelete

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