Sunday, September 27, 2009
An Open Letter To God
How are you? I am fine. Just kidding.
I decided to write to you tonight instead of talk to you so that I can pin down a few issues that I am dealing with this week, and particularly today. So, on with the normal order of things: First,
Thank you for all of the talks and visits with my friends and family today. Thank you for my party last night. Thank your for my creative thinking today and for the tons of mental energy I had even though I felt physically tired today. Thank you for the phone. Thank you for my cats. Thank you for providing me the means to create financial stability for myself at this trying time. Thank you for so many other things I can't think to type right now. Thank you for my blog and for all the people that read it and find it at all thought-provoking, comforting, funny, or clarifying even if they disagree. Thanks for my fast typing speed. And on and on.
I am sorry that I had some negative thoughts and feelings today toward myself and others. I am sorry that I am not always an honest person. I am sorry that . . . hmm really that's it on my mind right now.
Perhaps you read my earlier post, you know, in your websurfing, and saw that I have this nagging question about heaven. I keep coming back to it, What about heaven? Not in a desire to go to heaven early, per se. I am not suicidal. I just am comforted by the idea of heaven, and want you to know that I have heaven on my mind a lot, and could use some guidance in my thought process re: heaven. I thank you for creating heaven and for overseeing it and for fielding my question among the billions you must get re: heaven.
The other thing I'm dealing with today is -- I am interested in this discussion of faith that comes up surrounding health, transplant, etc. However, in my interest in this discussion, I also have a really negative reaction to certain offers of faith. It seems that people think if I am talking about faith, it must mean that I have none - which of course I have a great deal of faith. Or people think that if I am talking without decisiveness about religion it must mean that I have no religion - which of course I have too many religions. I want to keep allowing the conversation to happen around me, but I also want to contain it. I struggle with this issue.
Because I am sick, it does not mean that someone else's religion will make be "better." I am not sick because I didn't follow someone else's religious decree. What is the best way to respond to people that step over the line from conversation about religion and faith to instructing of how my illness is created by a lack of their faith?
God, this is a definite "what would jesus do" type of question. I mean, seriously. What would he do? Perhaps he would say, "I thank you for your prayers," and ignore the rest of it? I don't know. I think there is an opportunity to say, "Thank you for praying for me, but I want you to know that I'm not sick because of "sin" and I already do believe in God." I mean . . .
Well you get what I mean. What do you think, big G?
Thank you for tomorrow.
May the light within you, shine within me, and the light within me shine without. (C)MEP
Labels: spiritual stuff